For about as long as I can remember, my facial features and hair have not matched my self-image. :::thinks back::: Okay, maybe not always, but for the majority of the time for as long as I can remember.
This is, I think, an emotional reaction. And it ebbs and flows. Since I went shopping yesterday with L., I saw more mirrors than usual, and noticed it more. So, this morning I trimmed the beard to a shorter-than-usual and a more uniform-than-usual length, cleaned up the sides and whatnot. This was more of a rough cut — took about an inch off in the longest places. I'll make it neat and tidy tomorrow. It seems better. More beard-like than very-shaggy-goatee-like, I think. Maybe an improvement. M. claimed that it looked good.
My long, lovely, curly locks are still ego-dystonic. But a tight ponytail takes care of that, for now. Perhaps those could be donated, if I wait a bit longer.
It does seem strange that one can look in the mirror and think, "That's not me," and not know what would be, because regardless of what you think/feel, it is you. Weird. Anyone know the name of this phenomenon?
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