Shift to the middle ring and sit down.
Wear a goddamn helmet!
Dear Lord! Raise your seatpost. Do you want to break your knees?
A fixie! You're good. Carry on.
Wear. Your. Helmet.
Oh my God! You're at an appropriate cadence! Congratulations! By the way, are you single?
Your front wheel is about to fall off. Seriously.
And you should probably be wearing a helmet.
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